I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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