We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
