i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
