Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
