Do you still have your period?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
