I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
