dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
