Sry I called you an 8
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
