I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
