It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize