Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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