In the future we'll all be gay
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
