I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
