Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
