dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
