dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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