Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
