Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
