he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
