It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
