You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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