im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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