I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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