I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
