I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
