I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
