I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Please don't give away my fajitas
false alarm, still single
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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