doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize