so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
