So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
