she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
