apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As shirtless as possible
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
