Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
