You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
