I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
