I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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