I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
