On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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