So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
