oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
