I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My life is pants optional.
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