He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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