the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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