I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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