any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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