I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
