i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just pee around me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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