dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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