Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
