I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
