Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My pussy is not your playground.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
