I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
