I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Randomize
