worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize