I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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