Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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