i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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