you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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