dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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