I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
