Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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