i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
