how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
