he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
