Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
