I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
