everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
