we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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