Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
