I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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