Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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