The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
