I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
