Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Less talking, more tequila
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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