I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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