He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
