Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
